I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
