he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
