Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
