I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
