I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
