Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
