I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
