Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
