I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
