im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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