So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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