You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Let's get the cat blown out
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
