I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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