Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sponge bath it is.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize