Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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