If that was your dad, he is hot
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
