she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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