Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
