fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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