Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
