I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
