forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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