Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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