also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Drake has all the answers
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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