I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
