Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
