sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
