Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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