I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize