how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
