you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize