You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
