her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
