If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
