you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
