Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
