I wish my penis had an off switch
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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