am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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