when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
