I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
