My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
