I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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