blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
