I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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