oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
