I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
