i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
