I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You can't motorboat a personality
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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