i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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