a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
