i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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