Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
