New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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