i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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