Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
