i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize