quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
