Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
