so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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