Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
