After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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