I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
