I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize