it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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