hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
