hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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