Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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