You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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