Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
