He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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