we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
