I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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