I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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