Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
