I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
