is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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