Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
