i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just puked most of my soul out..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
