Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
