I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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