My friends, they love my intelligence
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
