tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
