apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
