OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize