Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
