Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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