Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
