you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
