you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize