Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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