So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
