I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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