i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
