hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
