If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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