I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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