i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
