oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
