she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize