Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
