I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
