You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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