Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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