you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize