final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
