You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
