I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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