I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
