My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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