Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
