My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
