Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Be still, my beating vagina.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
