it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
